Above The Surface Read online

  I grinned at her, exultation flowing through me. “Fuck.”

  A laugh escaped her. “That about sums it up.” Another squeeze. “You’re in the record books for sure.” She laughed a little. “I should have known you’d do it.” This time, she shoved me. “And I get to watch you snore at night. I’m so honored.”

  “You going to sell the story to the papers?” I teased, my lips twitching at her.

  “Oh, you bet. I have to make money somehow.”

  That brought things back down to Earth. “How did you do?” I asked, concern lacing the question.

  Her nose wrinkled. “I didn’t break a record, but did well enough to stay on the team.”

  Lori’s place wasn’t as secure as mine on the U.S. Swim Team. “Came in fourth.” Her face puckered on the whole, making me want to smile because she looked like she’d been sucking on lemons.

  “That’s damn good,” I argued, but we both knew that the swim team was a competitive place.

  This entire world we inhabited was.

  “It is, but not good enough.” She shrugged. “It’s cool. I never imagined I’d get to the Olympics, so to make it through to the final heat? I’m damn proud of myself.”

  “As you should be.”

  Her lips curved. “Loyal to the last.”

  “Always,” I agreed, and when she curled our hands together, hauling me up at the same time as she stood, I clasped her in a tight embrace. “You okay?”

  I knew her boyfriend had dumped her before the games, had said she was too focused on her sport—like that had come as a surprise? When you were an athlete heading to the most important competition in the world, focus on the end goal was imperative. Still, things were different this year.

  We’d had to wait five years for the Olympics because of last year’s pandemic, and training had been tough. Only special dispensation had allowed some of our team to use the pool, and even then, I knew palms had been greased as we evaded the lockdown.

  Unfair, definitely, but I wasn’t about to complain. Not when I’d have gone insane without being able to swim and train every day.

  That extra year had put pressure on us though. We were a year older than we should have been, and that changed things. Not just our bodies, but our relationships too.

  “I’m fine. Jonas wasn’t much of a support in the end. I used the fact that I want to smash his face in as motivation. I think that’s why I did as well as I did,” she said dryly.

  I knew how vengeance worked. Hadn’t it been a part of my life since I was sixteen years old?

  To this day, I wore the scars of it on my psyche. So, because I understood, I squeezed her again just as hard as she had me when I’d been sitting with my toes dipped into the pool where I’d just made a name for myself, and muttered, “He’s the fool.”

  “Oh, you got that right, honey,” she replied sassily. “I’m determined to win a medal just to spite him.”

  I snorted. “Well, there’s one reason to win.”

  She scoffed, “We lesser mortals need to get our kicks somehow, Thea.”

  “Yes, because I’m all sex goddess,” I retorted.

  With a whack of my arm, she mumbled, “I’ll need you to swim super fast just so we win the relay. I need to go back with some hardware. It can be my silent ‘fuck you’ to him.”

  “Your wish is my command.”

  Lori laughed at my droll reply, and said, “Come on. Let’s get changed. You got a medal to accept.” She was about four inches taller than me, so she peered down at me as she asked, “Your family will probably be waiting on you, won’t they?”

  I thought about those eyes... “Yes,” I answered huskily, even if, technically, the Ramsdens weren’t my family.

  We weren’t related. Not by blood. But they’d taken me from the ‘gutter,’ or at least, what they considered the gutter, and had helped catapult me into this world. A world where I was written into the record books.

  I knew what would come later on. There’d be the press junket, then the medal ceremony, but after, I’d see him.

  Adam.

  The poison in my blood.

  As I shook a few hands with some competitors I’d come to know since making it to the Olympic Village, where athletes stayed during their time at the competition, I smiled as Lori muttered names in my ear.

  It was ironic that she remembered all the names and faces, where I couldn’t remember a damn one, but I wasn’t about to complain. Names never interested me. Nor did the faces behind those names. They were all walking stories I didn’t need to know. Their auras told me too much, any more would have just been overload.

  After a quick towel dry, I grabbed my gear before we headed off to the side and got changed. I rubbed the damp strands of my hair with a towel, trying to give the limp braid some life before the ceremony, but it was impossible. I had to accept that I’d look like a drowned rat for the most important moment of my life.

  Already, the next competitors were stepping out of the changing rooms, waiting on their time in the water, reminding us that we needed to hustle and move our asses.

  Happiness filled me as I thought about my own upcoming races, and I hoped I did as well as I had today, but even if I didn’t, I had what I’d come here to do.

  A gold medal.

  Records smashed and slashed.

  The Kinkade name no longer associated with death and poverty and injustice.

  What more could I hope for?

  With my sweatpants on, I headed over to the press line where a few reporters were waiting to speak with me.

  I wasn’t great with people, was even worse at answering questions that seemed pretty obvious, but I knew it was part of the game.

  I’d been born with nothing except the talent I had in the water and a couple of other gifts I wouldn’t bestow on my worst enemy, and the last thing I wanted was to return to the poverty of my past. So, while I had the spotlight, I knew I had to make money. Sponsorships were the way forward, which meant I had to be what I wasn’t—sellable.

  I didn’t like thinking of myself as a commodity, but hell, weren’t we all in the marketplace? Selling our souls just to make a living? A living that made us happy instead of tying us to the rat race?

  For myself, I was more of a fish than a rat, and I intended to do my eking out while doing what I loved, not what I needed, to survive.

  So, I smiled.

  And when the journalist asked me a stupid question like, “People are calling you the female Michael Phelps. How does that make you feel?”

  I answered.

  Politely.

  Even though it was rude, even though it was stupid, I sold myself.

  “I think that people making such a comparison is something for me to be proud of and something to live up to. I only hope I can accomplish even half of what Michael did in his career.” There, I figured that was diplomatic enough.

  “You’re set to surge up the medal charts, Thea. Katie LeDecky is a Stanford alumna…are you trying to best her record?” the blond reporter boomed, his voice lifting in volume as the crowd went wild when the swimmers took to the stands, readying themselves for their own dive into glory.

  “I’m just taking things one race at a time and giving it my all,” I retorted calmly, even though his question irritated the shit out of me.

  “Gold medals in London, Madrid, New York, and now Tokyo. What’s next when gold is your color?”

  I shot him a smile. “Records,” I answered earnestly. “Something that will get me in the history books.” I shrugged. “Prideful? Maybe. It’s something to aim for, isn’t it?”

  And then I moved onto the next, and the next, before Lori tugged me into the changing rooms, her eyes dancing as she asked, “Michaela Phelps? You changing your name?”

  I snorted as I tossed my towel at her. “Shuddupa ya face.”

  Though the towel hid her expression for a second, I still saw her smirk and rolled my eyes, even as I headed straight into the showers.

  The
place was chaos. There were ten more races going down within the next two hours. I’d already swam three times today, all heats to get me into the finals.

  Before the week was up, I’d be sore, but goddamn, it would be worth it.

  As I showered off, I twisted my neck from side to side.

  The place was a little grody, even though the event planners were really trying, but with so many bodies in and out, it was hard. Still, my sore muscles didn’t care. The heat felt beyond good.

  I got myself cleaned up, donned new team sweats, and plucked at my hair. It was plaited in a French braid that Lori had done for me last night and which she’d do again for me tonight, just as I would for her, and though some of the other women fancied themselves up a little, refreshing their hair, some even glossing their lips, I didn’t bother. I was me.

  Theodosia Kinkade.

  Warts and all.

  When we were finally called out, I was eating a banana to keep my energy up. I blew out a breath, bumped fists with Lori before I shoved the rest of my banana at her, which she promptly chowed into, then waded into the stadium and headed over to the podium.

  It was surreal to stand there, waiting for my name to be called out. Weird to wave to the crowds who were cheering, odd to be given a medal and a bunch of flowers, and stranger still to hear the national anthem. My national anthem as cameras flashed and my picture was taken.

  He was there.

  Still.

  Waiting.

  Watching.

  And he kept me calm.

  He soothed me.

  Even as he was my biggest source of stress.

  Of misery.

  I didn’t look at the family. Didn’t need to know they were cheering and waving, clapping like loons on my behalf. Sometimes, it was difficult to remember that Anna Ramsden had been a state senator. Difficult to remember that Robert was a successful businessman. Especially when they were hopping up and down at my meets.

  But today, Adam was here, and he got all my attention.

  My throat was thick by the time the anthem ended. Through it all, he’d stayed with me.

  The line of fire burned between us like nothing else could, uniting us like nothing else could.

  I’d never felt a link like it. Never known a bond that could cut so deep and hurt so bad while making me feel more alive than I ever felt when I was in the water.

  He could heat me up, burn me, and I’d let him. I’d allow this sweet, sweet pain for this union I only ever felt with him.

  When I stepped down, I shook hands with a girl from Germany and another from Spain, then I headed back toward the locker room where I grabbed my bag after I shot the shit with a few younger kids from my team who were about to dive into the pool for their first Olympic swim.

  I did so knowing the Ramsdens wouldn’t have made it out in time, so I killed a few minutes, only leaving when I figured they’d be outside waiting on me.

  And they were.

  Anna encompassed me in a hug that felt genuine—she was good at that. I’d started off as a commodity. A PR stunt that hadn’t worked out. But I thought, now, there was affection from her since I’d made her proud. I’d surpassed the potential I’d promised at a young age. I was an investment that had made good. But that’s all I was.

  And I knew it.

  Robert, I was easier with. Maybe because Adam looked like him. Maybe because he was cooler, calmer, and I responded to that. There’d been no gain for him to invite me into his house, into his family. He was a businessman in no need of PR stunts, his wife was the politician in need of a charity case to proffer to the masses, one to prove that she was a good person, a good mother—even if circumstances made her look like a shitty one—worthy of the public’s vote.

  So, when Robert embraced me, and in my ear, whispered, “Good going, kiddo,” I heard his pride and smiled at him when I pulled back after gifting him with as much of a hug as I was capable of.

  I was uneasy with affection, and that came from a childhood spent mostly in the system, but at times like these? It felt good to be excited.

  Especially when it led to being embraced by Adam.

  In the flesh, with no less than a foot of space between us, he was more beautiful than ever.

  He had dark blue eyes that reminded me of the Atlantic, and they were contrasted so perfectly by his creamy golden skin. His jaw was hard, square, and at the moment, he had stubble that shadowed his chin and lower cheeks. His nose was pointed, I guess, and it led to a tight Cupid’s bow. His lips were soft, the upper generous, the bottom wide, and when he smiled, it made his entire face light up.

  It felt like years had passed since I’d last seen him smile that way. Sure, he smiled at me now as he hugged me, but it wasn’t like the first smile I’d ever seen him give me when I was fifteen and he was sixteen.

  As he squeezed me tightly, I closed my eyes, lost in the embrace. His golden hair touched my cheek. Like silk, it made shivers rush down my spine, and his body, hard from his own training, brushed against mine thanks to the force of his embrace.

  These moments were all we allowed ourselves.

  Well, that wasn’t strictly true.

  It was all I allowed, and because I restricted things, it made him cold.

  He felt it. I knew he did. There was no escaping the link between us, but he ignored it. Tended to put it on the backburner. The total opposite to me.

  Even though I knew we were toxic together, I couldn’t evade my feelings. I tamped them down while he was around, then let them out the instant I was alone and could lick my wounds. The trouble was, the wound had long gone septic, and his poison was in my blood.

  Adam’s smile had turned wooden after that hug, and he told me, “You rocked out there, Theodosia.”

  My lips twisted as I pulled away. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”

  Robert slapped me on the back. “It was good to hear it out there.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It makes me sound like I’m ninety.”

  “It’s a part of your culture. You should embrace it,” Anna chided.

  It had been a long time since I’d been a part of my culture, but I didn’t bother to tell her that. She already knew.

  I shrugged then, a touch awkwardly, and replied, “Thank you for coming to watch.”

  Anna’s eyes widened. “As if we’d miss your first games!”

  “You did brilliantly,” Robert enthused. “That’s your final race for the day, isn’t it?”

  “Until tomorrow,” I answered.

  “Time for dinner with the family?” Anna chivvied, making me smile again, even as she reached out and lifted the gold medal I was wearing and eyed it like she was estimating a price.

  Of course, if she wanted, she could buy any of these made from solid platinum, but the family around me appreciated hard work. There was no denying that.

  “I’d love to. I’m starving.” I wrinkled my nose. “Just don’t tell Coach what I eat.”

  “What happens at the restaurant, stays at the restaurant,” Robert stated solemnly as he hooked an arm over his wife’s shoulders and pushed her along toward the atrium, leaving Adam and me alone together for a handful of seconds.

  “Hey,” he said gruffly, like he hadn’t greeted me just a few moments earlier.

  I was surprised by the lack of shyness on my part as I repeated, “Hey.” I lifted my chin. “You going to say ‘hello’ properly?”

  He sighed, which I took as a rejection, then he muttered, “Probably not.”

  My mouth tightened, even as I dipped my chin in understanding, but we stood there. Staring at one another. Unbeknownst to us, a crowd gathered around us, a few pictures were taken, but neither of us saw. How could we?

  The only thing we noticed was each other. That was all we ever noticed when we were together.

  He broke the moment, that fiery link that bridged us together, and reached forward to take my bag, hauling it onto his shoulder as he grabbed my elbow and started to walk me in the same
direction as his parents were heading. I resented my jacket for acting as a buffer to his touch, even as I was grateful for it. Skin to skin contact would feel like a brand, and he’d already branded me one too many times since we’d known each other.

  The place was manic. In the background, there was the noise from the aquatic complex, and the cheers and hollers fired my blood up as much as they would if I was about to dive into the pool myself.

  Only as he led me into the crowd did my heart stop racing as the thrill of being here, with this man, overtook any adrenaline that I might have felt in the water.

  The gold medal around my neck was something to be proud of, my name going in the record books was something I’d hold dear, but what surpassed it? The feeling that I was finally good enough to walk at this man’s side.

  God, that felt like a dream.

  I’d been the charity case for so damn long. The kid who’d been selected as pretty much the poster brat for a PR drive in the run-up to Anna Ramsden’s reelection campaign, but I was standing here as a Champion.

  Capital C required.

  It made me feel shaky and big headed all at the same time, but then I felt like a pretentious fool, because whatever I was, I couldn’t forget my roots.

  Couldn’t forget what had brought me here.

  To this moment.

  Not Anna and Robert Ramsden, but Adam.

  And death.

  Couldn’t forget that.

  “How’s the jet lag?” I inquired softly, peering at him as we maneuvered through the crowd.

  I wasn’t sure how he did it, but the sea of people seemed to part for him like he was King Cnut. I almost wanted to hate him for that ability, when most of the time I was swallowed up in the ocean of humanity, but damn, what could I say? If I saw him coming toward me, I’d move out of his way too.

  Not because he was an asshole, although he could definitely be that, but because he just looked like he wasn’t someone to mess with.

  He wasn’t a bruiser, but on his face? There was impatience and dislike and just...well, fine, he looked like an asshole. A cute one.